1
00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:04,440
- Are we rolling?
- Yeah, in your own time.
2
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:09,481
Is that it, just that one word?
3
00:00:09,530 --> 00:00:10,724
- Yeah.
- OK.
4
00:00:11,850 --> 00:00:17,339
Yes.
Ripped By mstoll
5
00:00:17,490 --> 00:00:19,208
Uh, hey, Steven that was really good.
6
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,959
Um... feeling is here that you could be
a bit more positive.
7
00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:24,363
More positive?
8
00:00:24,410 --> 00:00:26,241
Yeah, you know, really go for it.
9
00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:28,520
- You want me to go for it?
- Yeah.
10
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,925
All right.
11
00:00:32,410 --> 00:00:34,207
Yes!
12
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,645
Very, very good. Um...
13
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,965
Let's try it without the script. It might
just loosen you up a little bit, yeah?
14
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:42,921
What is it, one word?
You don't really need it, do you?
15
00:00:42,970 --> 00:00:45,165
I probably don't need the scripts,
it's just a word.
16
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,166
Yep. OK, let's do it again.
17
00:00:50,530 --> 00:00:51,804
Yes!
18
00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:55,123
- Is that it?
- Yes.
19
00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:56,159
Right.
20
00:00:58,290 --> 00:01:00,406
- Hi, Steven?
- Yes.
21
00:01:00,450 --> 00:01:02,600
- This is Clem Fandango.
- Yes?
22
00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:05,801
- Can you hear me?
- Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango.
23
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:07,124
Honestly, this is going so great,
24
00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:09,809
but I just think there was a little
loss of energy on that last take.
25
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:10,885
Maybe try one more.
26
00:01:12,850 --> 00:01:13,646
OK, ready to go?
27
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:14,725
- Yep.
- What?
28
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:15,566
- Yes!
29
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,123
OK.
30
00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:18,444
Yes!
31
00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:19,889
Yes!
32
00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:21,602
Yes!
33
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:23,288
Yes!
34
00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:25,321
Yes
35
00:01:25,370 --> 00:01:27,088
Yes
36
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,199
Yes
37
00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:29,763
Y- e-e-s
38
00:01:29,810 --> 00:01:31,766
Y- e-e-e-s
39
00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:33,607
Y- e-e-e-s
40
00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:35,561
Y- e-e-e-s
41
00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:37,043
Ye-e-e-aah-e-e-s
42
00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:38,569
Oh, fuck.
43
00:01:40,610 --> 00:01:42,441
Jesus.
44
00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:44,401
- Steven?
- What?!
45
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:46,202
How would you feel about doing a "no"?
46
00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:19,684
- Come on, you idiot.
- I'm trying to concentrate, Ellen.
47
00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:22,881
It's only fucking crazy golf.
Now take the shot and move on.
48
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:25,046
It's not crazy golf, it's mini golf.
49
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:26,409
What's the fucking difference?
50
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:27,599
One's crazy and one's mini -
51
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,800
it's obvious
what the fucking difference is.
52
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,078
I'm taking my shot now.
53
00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:33,166
You can't do that, Ellen, it's my shot.
54
00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:34,279
Why is it your shot?
55
00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:36,719
Because my ball is nearer to the hole!
56
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:40,683
It's not the fucking US Masters,
and I'm going to take my shot.
57
00:02:40,730 --> 00:02:42,288
You can't do that.
58
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,286
Don't tell me what to do.
59
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,286
Excuse me? Excuse me?
60
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,719
How long are you going to be
on this hole?
61
00:02:48,770 --> 00:02:51,079
- Mind your own fucking business.
- Yeah.
62
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,679
We are actually on this hole,
so piss off and wait your turn.
63
00:02:54,730 --> 00:02:56,004
Now give me the club.
64
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,359
Do not take this club, Ellen.
65
00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:01,482
Do not tell me what to do.
66
00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,168
Agh!
67
00:03:03,210 --> 00:03:05,360
I really hate it...
when you tell me what to dol
68
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:06,809
Agh!
69
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:08,568
I really... hate it...
70
00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:10,328
when you... tell me...
71
00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:13,362
- what... to do!
- Agh, oh!
72
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:26,889
I really miss her.
73
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:28,568
Who's that, Toast?
74
00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:30,248
Ellen, my ex-wife.
75
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,848
I really miss her.
76
00:03:31,890 --> 00:03:34,040
I thought you said
your marriage was volatile.
77
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:37,321
It was, but we had so much in common.
78
00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:40,407
Straight talker,
never suffered fools gladly.
79
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,406
She had a terrific sense of humour.
80
00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:45,123
I've just got this from her solicitor.
81
00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:47,843
She wants a divorce
and a hell of a lot of cash.
82
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:50,040
Oh, dear. Are you flush at the moment?
83
00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:52,763
Well, luckily, I've been hired by a very
rich Arab gentleman
84
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,607
to star in a film he's making.
85
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:56,481
He's promised me a tidy sum.
86
00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:57,599
We start tomorrow.
87
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,845
Ah, sounds like something that
Omar Sharif might be in.
88
00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:03,485
I once played some surprisingly
competitive bridge with Omar.
89
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:05,202
We had a rubber in his private Jacuzzi.
90
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,923
- So, what's the film about?
- I don't know,
91
00:04:07,970 --> 00:04:09,289
I haven't been sent a script.
92
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:12,208
Huge budget.
It could be a big break for me.
93
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:21,128
OK, I'm going to ask you
if you recognise any of these photographs.
94
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:24,640
We think the murderer may be
one of these men.
95
00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:25,839
Is this him?
96
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,360
Is this him?
97
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:30,684
Is this him?
98
00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:34,042
Is this him?
99
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:36,609
Yes, just as I thought.
100
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:38,447
And when he attacked you,
101
00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:41,050
did he make an unsavoury racial comment?
102
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,968
Yes, no surprises there.
103
00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:45,841
He's got form on that one.
104
00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:48,120
All right, Mr Ho Chi, you can go.
105
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:51,360
Stop acting!
106
00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:54,960
Very good. You get him, Toast, eh?
107
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,605
You nail the bloody fucker!
108
00:04:58,650 --> 00:05:01,323
I just do whatever it says in the script,
Mr Fasili.
109
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:02,849
Prince Philip, I hate him.
110
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:05,085
It's pretty clear from this
you're not a fan.
111
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:09,885
It's very good shooting today, Toast.
112
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:12,046
You know, I've never directed
a film thing before,
113
00:05:12,090 --> 00:05:13,603
but I think I'm pretty darn good at it,
yes?
114
00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:15,447
Right.
115
00:05:15,490 --> 00:05:18,448
We'll win Oscars, I think,
or BAFTA Awards.
116
00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:20,481
I'll show this Prince Philip character.
117
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,679
I hate him.
118
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,483
I hate him. Hate him, hate him, hate him.
119
00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:27,840
I hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him!
120
00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,766
Do you think I could get a sandwich?
121
00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:42,009
It's fucking terrible.
122
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,518
He's never directed before,
never written a script
123
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:46,367
and he hasn't got a chance in hell
124
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,878
of getting this film shown
in any decent cinema in the world.
125
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:51,398
It's obviously a vanity project.
126
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:54,169
It's good money, though, Toast.
The man's a billionaire.
127
00:05:54,210 --> 00:05:56,121
That's like a really wealthy millionaire.
128
00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:58,889
And besides, you don't really want
anyone to see the film, do you?
129
00:05:58,930 --> 00:06:01,683
- Of course I don't.
- Well, then.
130
00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:04,927
Yeah, but I bloody well should be
starring in films people want to see,
131
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,608
made by proper directors.
132
00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:09,005
Something like...
The King's Speech.
133
00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:22,241
I'm not saying you're not good enough
to bag an Academy Award, Toast, I just...
134
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:25,999
I just... don't think it's ever possible
you'll win one.
135
00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:32,605
- Because of what I said to Minnie Driver?
- Yes.
136
00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:35,567
Cos I told Minnie Driver
she had a big face.
137
00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:37,521
Cos you told Minnie Driver
she has a big face, yes.
138
00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:39,083
She's in Hollywood now.
139
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,598
She has lots of contacts.
She won't forget something like that.
140
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:44,084
And then the Fassbender debacle.
141
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:45,768
Oh, everyone knows Fassbender's...
142
00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:51,608
Really, Toast.
143
00:06:51,650 --> 00:06:53,208
Spreading a vile rumour.
144
00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:54,683
I saw the photo of a chalet.
145
00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,243
He's a major player.
146
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,088
He could crush you like that.
147
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,241
Now, you're getting paid
a lot for this film.
148
00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:04,963
It means you may not have to do
the television advert for the laxative.
149
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,205
There's no way I'm doing a laxative ad.
150
00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:09,161
You remember what happened to
Derek Sibling.
151
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:12,168
No, I don't, actually.
Whatever did happen to Derek Sibling?
152
00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:13,563
He was very good.
153
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:15,805
He was, brightest in his year at RADA.
154
00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:19,320
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
155
00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:22,487
All going well for him,
then he bursts onto the television
156
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,885
clutching his guts for a laxative ad.
Then...
157
00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,319
...good night, sweetheart.
158
00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:30,407
Takes a very brave actor
to promote a laxative.
159
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,678
Money's great.
160
00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:34,563
Martin from the agency
would still like to meet you.
161
00:07:35,610 --> 00:07:38,966
Well, you're obviously not keen,
but meet him anyway. It'll be very casual.
162
00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:40,921
He's suggested you go bowling together.
163
00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:42,688
- Bowling?
- Yes, bowling.
164
00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:46,680
You've got a big, black ball
and you throw it at the skittles.
165
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:49,164
- Skittles?
- Yeah, skittles.
166
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,359
They get knocked over
and the mechanical machine puts them back
167
00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,002
and then you have another go
at hitting them.
168
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,881
I think you're wrong there, Jane.
169
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,045
I don't think so.
170
00:07:58,090 --> 00:07:59,523
I think you're confusing it
with another game.
171
00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:01,720
I really think you should do this, Toast.
It's just an informal meeting
172
00:08:01,770 --> 00:08:04,045
with bowling. No obligation.
173
00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,046
All right!
174
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:09,882
What?
175
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:12,524
You can't stop for petrol during a fare,
you prat.
176
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:14,561
I'm sorry, mate,
I meant to get it earlier.
177
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,043
For fuck's sake.
178
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,327
Hang on,
he's not lighting a cigarette... Right.
179
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:28,361
You can't smoke around petrol!
The place'll go up like Worzel Gummidge.
180
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:30,366
Oi, you're in that play, ain't ya?
181
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,765
Oh, God! Jesus!
182
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:34,528
I went to see that play
with a mate of mine.
183
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:37,448
You ought to be a-fucking-shamed
of yourself.
184
00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:39,367
Oi, get back there.
185
00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:42,925
There's no need for the theatre
in this country to descend to that level.
186
00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:44,688
- Are you finished?
- No, get back.
187
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:48,803
Sex, nudity, bad language - disgusting!
188
00:08:48,850 --> 00:08:51,683
Next time,
I'll put a fucking match to you.
189
00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,287
I'll burn your bollocks off!
190
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:03,880
Good night, sweet prince.
191
00:09:23,450 --> 00:09:27,079
This is awful, having all your boxes here.
When are you going to move them?
192
00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:29,280
Well, I'll take some today,
but I'll have to hire a van.
193
00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:30,968
Why do you have to
write your name on all of them?
194
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:32,602
I don't know.
They might get lost, or something.
195
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:36,563
Well, Ricky is moving in next week,
so he won't want all your stuff there.
196
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,965
- Yeah, well, Ricky is a cunt.
- I beg your pardon?
197
00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:41,570
I said, I think I may have my hat on
back to front.
198
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,487
You don't like Ricky, do you?
199
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:46,761
Oh, come on, Ellen! He's a builder,
and you're 45th in line for the throne.
200
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:48,448
You are such a snob.
201
00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:50,003
I'm a snob and he's a yob.
202
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,199
And you are a knob.
203
00:09:52,730 --> 00:09:55,085
Ricky cares about me. And he's fit.
204
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:57,405
- What?!
- He's fit.
205
00:09:57,450 --> 00:10:00,123
What, do you mean he has
a high level of physical fitness?
206
00:10:00,170 --> 00:10:02,843
No, I mean he's good-looking.
207
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,482
Why are you wearing that uniform?
208
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:05,929
It's a costume.
I had to change my clothes.
209
00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:07,164
Someone poured petrol on me earlier.
210
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,644
It's cos of that ghastly play you're in,
isn't it?
211
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,408
Yeah, well, you should be grateful
I'm working,
212
00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:13,406
cos you're fleecing me
with that divorce settlement.
213
00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:15,088
I'm only getting what I'm due.
214
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:17,889
Ricky, darling!
215
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,605
Give us those beers.
I'll put that in the fridge.
216
00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:25,039
Come here, you gorgeous thing.
217
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:30,765
Ooh!
218
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:43,763
Yeah, all right!
219
00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,441
Ah, Steven. I'm Martin Aynuss.
220
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:53,479
All right.
221
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:56,442
Hope you don't mind, but I also
brought along my assistant, Sheryl Whelk.
222
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,559
OK.
223
00:10:57,610 --> 00:10:59,680
You're dressed very smartly.
Have you just stepped ashore?
224
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:02,119
It's a costume.
Someone poured petrol on me earlier.
225
00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:04,161
All right. Would you like to start?
226
00:11:04,210 --> 00:11:07,122
Yeah, let's not toss for it
or any of that bullshit.
227
00:11:27,130 --> 00:11:29,883
I've not played in a while -
somebody must have changed the rules.
228
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:31,761
What are those things at the end?
229
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:32,845
They're skittles.
230
00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:34,721
Why are there skittles?
231
00:11:34,770 --> 00:11:36,647
And shouldn't I be stood on grass?
232
00:11:36,690 --> 00:11:41,889
I think what may have happened here is
you've confused tenpin bowling with bowls.
233
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:43,921
- OK.
- It's just a bigger ball, that's all.
234
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:47,280
If you want to roll this one towards
the skittles down the end of the lane,
235
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:49,286
give that a go.
236
00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:51,082
I presume it's underarm?
237
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:05,959
More like that?
238
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,482
Oof!
239
00:12:27,810 --> 00:12:28,925
Shit.
240
00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,119
24, take 4.
241
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:34,329
Start acting.
242
00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:36,964
There's something very dodgy
going on here.
243
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,762
Which is your real name?
244
00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:41,688
Prince Philip or the Duke of Edinburgh?
245
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:44,881
I say, this is rather unsatisfactory.
246
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,603
For most people one name is enough,
but not for you.
247
00:12:47,650 --> 00:12:49,322
How dare you!
248
00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:51,520
Look, Duke,
we all know you're the murderer.
249
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:57,566
Your life of privilege and being carried
around by servants won't save you now.
250
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:03,719
Casual racism is one thing, but this time
you've bitten off more than you can chew.
251
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:07,006
Are you finished with my husband?
252
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:08,927
Get her out of here.
253
00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:17,207
Uptight, uncomfortable, self-conscious.
254
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:20,799
They say you're the perfect man
to front their Lax-A-Daisy campaign.
255
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:23,603
- I'm not doing it.
- Such a shame.
256
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:28,041
You play constipation so beautifully.
They really want you.
257
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,365
Who else did they ask? Portillo?
258
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,480
- Portillo, yes.
- Obvious choice.
259
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:35,282
He turned them down,
he's off doing his train journeys.
260
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:38,128
You're not going to trap me into this,
Jane.
261
00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:39,523
I'm not going to advertise laxatives.
262
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:40,969
Remember Derek Sibling?
263
00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:43,922
Yes, Derek Sibling! Now, he was very good.
264
00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:45,688
Brightest in his year at RADA.
265
00:13:45,730 --> 00:13:48,688
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
266
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,368
All going well for him
267
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:53,766
and he bursts onto the TV
clutching his guts advertising laxatives.
268
00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:55,766
Then...
269
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,278
...good night, sweetheart.
270
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,448
All right, I'll let them know.
271
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,879
Anyway, I don't need the money.
272
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,807
I've got that film thing.
Last day tomorrow.
273
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:11,402
Can't wait to lodge that big fat cheque
in Barclays at Fitzroy Square, oh, yeah!
274
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:12,565
Aah, ya...!
275
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:15,639
Toast?
276
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:18,519
Toast?
277
00:14:31,890 --> 00:14:37,089
I think it's safe to say, Mr Fasili,
that justice is being done here today.
278
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:39,360
Yes, Inspector Cavendish.
279
00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:41,560
He has paid the full price for murder.
280
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,009
I'm not surprised...
281
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,689
Also for standing in the way
of my British citizenship.
282
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:50,764
The fiend is surely getting
what he so richly deserves.
283
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:51,959
Look at him!
284
00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:55,366
Die in a cowardly fashion, like a dog!
285
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:57,048
I'm not surprised to see him
286
00:14:57,090 --> 00:15:00,844
begging for his life in such a pathetic,
unmannerly manner.
287
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:03,563
The Royal Family has no place
in modern British society.
288
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:05,487
I spit on them.
289
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,964
I admire you for saying so, Mr Fasili.
290
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:12,128
They are a bunch of
no-good, cheap bastards.
291
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,761
Bravo!
292
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:25,803
Bravo!
293
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:38,289
294
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:45,043
295
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:51,888
296
00:15:53,050 --> 00:15:54,688
297
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:59,599
298
00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:05,201
299
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:12,448
300
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:19,282
301
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,966
302
00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:26,286
♪ It strains upon my heart. ♪
303
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:04,723
I'm glad that we compromised
on the word "bastards".
304
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:08,001
"Cocksuckers" didn't seem right,
not for the entire Royal Family.
305
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:10,006
I mean, Princess Michael of Kent...
306
00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:11,563
Well...
307
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:16,365
It's a pity you missed the Benedict
Cumberbatch scenes. He was... sublime.
308
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,684
Who?
309
00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:20,244
I do so love champagne, don't you?
310
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,360
Yes, er, Mr Fasili,
I wonder if I could ask you -
311
00:17:22,410 --> 00:17:23,889
when will I receive payment?
312
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:24,999
Now.
313
00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,563
You have the cheque?
314
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,965
- Yes.
- Ah, could I?
315
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:31,570
I just need to sign it. Do you have a pen?
316
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:34,879
No.
317
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,443
You are in rather a hurry.
318
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,765
I'm in the middle of an acrimonious
divorce settlement.
319
00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:40,926
I completely understand.
320
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:43,325
I have a pen in my office,
I shall sign it immediately.
321
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:45,485
After all,
322
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:49,045
you are the man who brought
Prince Philip to justice.
323
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:58,608
I shall be back in a minute.
Help yourself to more champagne, Toast.
324
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:09,239
Oh, God.
325
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,682
Out of my way, come on!
326
00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:15,800
Mr Fasili, where are you?
327
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:17,124
Did you sign the cheque?
328
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:20,446
You there! Did you see him sign the cheque
before he fell overboard?
329
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,321
Did you see him sign the cheque?
330
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:26,727
Oh, God. Damn you to helll
331
00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:30,488
It mentions the film.
332
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:32,486
It says it may now never get released.
333
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,043
Oh, I don't mind that so much.
334
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:36,684
- It's not being paid the 60,000.
- It's not being paid the 60,000.
335
00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,800
Jane's going to look into it,
but she's not hopeful.
336
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:40,124
It seems he owes millions.
337
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:43,048
It's funny how these things always surface
after someone dies.
338
00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:44,409
Someone who won't be surfacing is Fasili.
339
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:45,565
He weighed a tonne.
340
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:47,919
Sank like a stone. Apparently,
he had an extra-large life buoy
341
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:49,722
in case he fell overboard.
342
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,408
Well, he managed to squeeze into that
but still sank,
343
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:53,281
- dragged the life buoy down with him.
- Really?
344
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:55,127
I mean, I'd have thought that impossible.
345
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:57,604
- But there again, he was fucking huge.
- Mm.
346
00:18:57,650 --> 00:19:01,040
The thing is, Ellen's been pestering me
for that divorce settlement money.
347
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:02,808
Ah, tough times, Toast,
348
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,763
but I'm sure you have absolutely nothing
to be worried about.
349
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:12,366
You better sort that cash out
as soon as possible.
350
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:16,039
Who are you again? Cos I don't recognise
you from my wife's legal team!
351
00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:18,285
Never mind who we are,
you'd better pay up!
352
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:20,366
You're not connected to Ricky, are you?
353
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,559
No.
354
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:24,124
It's just that I saw you
jump out of his van.
355
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:25,603
No.
356
00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:27,766
We don't know anyone called Ricky.
357
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:31,719
Hang on?
358
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,920
- You're in that play, ain't ya?
- What?
359
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:35,562
Remember that play we went to with Dave?
360
00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:38,682
Young Simon here,
first time he's ever been to the theatre
361
00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:41,528
and sees that load of rubbish! You may
have put him off the theatre for life!
362
00:19:41,570 --> 00:19:44,721
Pinter, Stoppard, David Hare -
363
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,567
he's never going to give 'em a chance.
364
00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:48,726
Well, there's been extensive rewrites.
365
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:49,839
By Ben Elton.
366
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:52,609
I should give you a bloody good hiding
just for that play alone,
367
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,129
but if you don't sort that wonga out,
368
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:57,128
Ben Elton will be rewriting
your bloody obituary!
369
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:58,808
So you better get that money, right?
370
00:19:58,850 --> 00:20:00,886
Doesn't matter how, just get that money!
371
00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:02,886
Ye-e-es.
372
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:07,290
Put constipation behind you.
373
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:13,360
New formula Lax-A-Daisy
restores your body's regularity
374
00:20:13,410 --> 00:20:18,200
so that you can work and relax every day
without anxiety.
375
00:20:20,690 --> 00:20:25,684
Lax-A-Daisy doesn't cause excess gas
or dizziness.
376
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:30,520
It just lets you step back
into the natural rhythm of life.
377
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:41,328
- Yes, very good, Steven.
- Bravo.
378
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:44,168
I wasn't sure about the wig
at first, but it works.
379
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,804
May I introduce you to Howard Bugowitz,
chairman of Lax-A-Daisy in New York.
380
00:20:46,850 --> 00:20:48,602
My God, that was terrific!
381
00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:52,689
Everyone at Cartwright and Aynuss
is very pleased.
382
00:20:52,730 --> 00:20:54,402
We'd like to sign you up
for a long-term contract
383
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:55,769
to be the face of Lax-A-Daisy
384
00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:57,402
for the next five years.
385
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,281
Well, that's tremendous news.
386
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,719
Maybe we could even make it ten years.
387
00:21:01,770 --> 00:21:03,965
- We can talk figures on Monday, Jane.
- Perfect.
388
00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:07,446
I'm sure Martin will make us
a very generous offer, Toast.
389
00:21:07,490 --> 00:21:10,402
I don't want to talk about this now.
I've got to rush off and do my play.
390
00:21:10,450 --> 00:21:14,045
Whoa! No, no, no. Come upstairs!
We're going to have a bit of a party.
391
00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:16,968
No. Last party I went to, someone drowned.
392
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,205
- Come on, we can share the taxi.
- Yes.
393
00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:20,683
Talk Monday.
394
00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:25,725
Great casting, Marty.
That guy really has a bung up his ass.
395
00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:29,728
Anyone could have played that role.
396
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,568
No, no, no, you were perfect.
397
00:21:32,610 --> 00:21:35,249
It's a bloody long way from
The King's Speech.
398
00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:37,042
Pull over here, please.
399
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:40,321
Yeah. I don't have any cash, Toast.
400
00:21:40,370 --> 00:21:41,883
Oh, for Pete's sake, Jane!
401
00:21:46,450 --> 00:21:48,202
There's an extra 20 to take her home.
402
00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:52,685
Oh, dear, I think he's died.
403
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,721
Does anybody know anything about him?
404
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:55,805
Let me through.
405
00:21:56,850 --> 00:22:00,206
Yes, I know him,
though I haven't seen him in some time.
406
00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:02,081
It's the actor Derek Sibling.
407
00:22:03,610 --> 00:22:06,568
The brightest in his year at RADA.
408
00:22:06,610 --> 00:22:09,522
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
409
00:22:09,570 --> 00:22:14,769
All going well for him, then he bursts
onto the television clutching his guts
410
00:22:14,810 --> 00:22:16,084
in a laxative ad.
411
00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:18,200
Then...
412
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,286
...good night, sweetheart.
413
00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:30,008
Sorry I'm late, Charlotte.
There was an incident outside.
414
00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:33,201
A tramp dead on the pavement.
I knew him, actually, Derek Sibling.
415
00:22:33,250 --> 00:22:35,445
- Derek Sibling the actor?
- Yes.
416
00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:37,242
Wasn't he supposed to be very good?
417
00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:38,643
Very good?
418
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:41,841
Brightest in his year at RADA.
Trod out one of the best...
419
00:22:41,890 --> 00:22:44,006
I won't bore you with the detail.
420
00:22:44,050 --> 00:22:47,326
Promising career cut short
by one fatal decision.
421
00:22:48,130 --> 00:22:50,121
A strangely fitting grand finale,
you might say.
422
00:22:50,170 --> 00:22:51,239
What do you mean, Mr Toast?
423
00:22:52,290 --> 00:22:54,087
He shat himself.
424
00:22:56,850 --> 00:23:03,408
That man is shit
Ripped By mstoll